A Prep's Commentary on My Immortal
by Lullaby of Broadway
Summary: Well, I just finished getting da hell out of here and fujiking off to a Britney Spears concert, so I'm here to present the prep opinion on the soul-crushingly hilarious My Immortal.
1. Chapter 1

A PREP'S COMMENTARY ON MY IMMORTAL (originally by Tara Gilesbie of XXXbloodywrists666XXX)

Amber's note: **I'm here to put the preppy perspective on the world's worst goffic fanfic. Enjoy. I'll be in bold with the curly brackets.**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) { **Can I start by saying how upset I am that they aren't lesbians? I was hoping this would spiral into a Heavenly Creatures type scenario. Damn it.}** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2 **{We hear of this guy only once again, as opposed to Raven who we hear about in almost every chapter. I'd say he doesn't exist, but if Tara was making up a boyfriend, why wouldn't he have a goffic name?}!** MCR ROX! **{Sure, whatever.}**

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **{And I'm named Amber because my hair is made of real amber.}** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **{You're the boss.}.** [[I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **{No. I'm flabbergasted! I thought she was a hippie}** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow **{No one makes pure white foundation. It always has some tint to it, and even the palest would still count as beige}.** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun { **was it hailing too?}** , which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. **{Maybe the preps are worried you're cold because you're out in the rain and snow in a miniskirt?}** I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **{The most useful conversation in the whole fic.}**

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **{Um… NO.}**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! {NEVER!}

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **{Ooooh, it comes in a bottle. Fancy}.** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes **{I'm still picturing her eyes as black. Because everything here is black. Literally everything}.** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner. **{why don't ya just wear black foundation, u goff?}** )

"OMFG, **{Tara, you keep talking about God, and I thought you hated him.}** I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" **{Exactly, Willow}** she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **{and in a dark brown voice he said…}**

"Hi." he said. **{Draco. D-R-K-** **A-O-N-E** **Draco.}**

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." **(No. You're kidding me. Of course they are}** he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. "Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **{I yawned.}**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte **{In 2008 Chralotte was the fastest moving girls name on the baby name chart. Fastest down}**.

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets { **Ripped fishnets won't do you much good}.** Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book **{Les Mis? Old Yeller?}** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner **{That's a lot of eyeliner. Most eyeliner tubes have only about .05 of an ounce – that's way less than a ton. You go through about half the world's eyeliner every morning, Egogy?}**. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **{Yet you always have worn it before… someone is lazy today.}** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too) **{Wow. Two muggle bands in one night. Aren't there wizard goffic bands? Theoretically there should be.}** , baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **{Double trouble!}** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived **{You're not talking about Ebony, are you?}**

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **{Doesn't Ebony want to kill herself? Why would she listen to a song that's about someone being born? Well, I haven't listened to the whole song, because I'm a prep.}**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **{I wish I was related to him too, like Gerard.}**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees **{Benji and Joel said "Oh no, it's the goffics again! Give them tees so they'll leave us alone!}** . Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… **{I hope they're going somewhere full of spiders}** … the Forbidden Forest! **{Yay!}**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK **{Yeah, her name is Mary Sue.}**! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **{So are you curious or angry?}**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **{why not just give him red eyes?}** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness **{sorrow and evilness. Beautiful}** and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **{Enoby, I forgot if you or Atlantiana Rebekah Loren had anger issues – maybe you both do? Because you both make me angry.}**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **{And the audience is keen to hear more. Not.}** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. **{I heard off this new store and – never mind.}** I even took of my bra. **{What's going to happen next?}** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **{Thingie + You-Know-What = Baby… are vampire infertile and immune to STDs or something? Well, they probably have AIDs {plural of Angry Idiot Disorder} anyway.}**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **{That… was… beautiful. It's like "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn" in a lot of ways. But unlike Gone with the Wind where you have to watch the entire movie for the two best lines, you honestly can quit here.}**

It was….Dumbledore! **{I like Headache!Dumbeldore.}**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **{What do ya know, I'm both, so I'll flam away** }/strong. Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx **{Mad and having a headache, don't want to mess with that guy}**!/strong PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **{Here's a good reviow: I laughed until I cried several times reading this fic.}**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us "You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **{You 50 Cent bastards! You Eminem tramps!}** I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very "They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. "Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGoggle.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **{This justifies doing it in a forbidden part of campus. True love.}** Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me **{No, Dumbledore yelled at me! Waaaaaaah! Have sex with me again!}** "Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out… Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed **{Euphemism?}** After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

"AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **{Yet you did anyway, despite the fact that we all hate you.}**

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **{Spray paint isn't for hair. Spray paint is for walls and chairs and things. There's hair spray for hair.}** In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood **{Okay, people drink milk with cereal, I guess I get this…}**. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. "Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. **{Just him. Not any of the other presumably English people.}** He looked exactly like Joel Madden **{No he doesn't}** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko **{you thought of that, I did not!}** "I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice

"That's all right. What's your name?" I asked.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **{So he's not a real vampire, when Ebony is?}**

"Well, I am a vampire." I said.

"Really?" he said

"Yeah." I roared.

 **{And you're gonna hear her roar (for about 37 more chapters!)}** We sat down to talk for a while **{about nothing}** Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

"Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **{Ooooh, a shiny new title!}**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **{It's Satan!}** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake strong **{Gods with a Z. How edgy.}**!

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Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) **{Well, yeah. It does.}** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes **{Oh, the dark depression of the world!}.** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… **{The anticipation is killing me!}**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **{a leather bra does not sound comfy in the slightest}** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid? **{When you look up stupid in the dictionary…}** )

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry. **{You always are, right?}**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **{I don't know if Draco knows that you're talking about the tattoo.}**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **{Again, that's the plural of Angry Idiot Disorder.}**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care **{But secretly you wanted to screw him again right there in the hall}**. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **{It's the "Tomorrow is another day" to Dumbledore's "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn, motherfukers."}**


	8. Chapter 8

"AN: stop flassing ok **{don't floss?}** if u do de prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **{I think it's exactly what you think.}**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length **{Geddit, because this fanfic is a waste}** gothic black hair **{hair can be no color besides black here, can it}** and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch **{So she's a half-blood? Can half-bloods get into Slytherin? I thought that that was kind of the point of Slytherin, they were kind of racist}** but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **{Um, why?}** (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor.)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **{He didn't cheat. Just because he was your first man doesn't mean you're his first woman!}**

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems **{What problems? Harry was the one with the tragic backstory in canon!}** and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

"AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **{Therefore, it's nuts. I mean it's nut my folt.}** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **{What about GC?}**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **{Memories…}**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! **{No, he was walking on the broomstick.}** He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **{I gasped.}**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **{I could fly on my broomstick though! My MCR broom.}**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **{Yeah, that dangerous kitty has gotta hurt.}**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **{Why would Voldemort call Harry Vampire? Volxemort is a prep.}**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **{It took a whole chapter to sink in!}**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **{If I screw you, will you go away?}**

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **{It shoots ballets!}**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **{I also don't see a reason Voldemort would kill a Slytherin pure blood, even out of spite for Ebony.}**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **{Geddit, Way like… you get the drift.}**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **{Telekinetically.}**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **{My savior!}**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **{I just now realized you didn't cheat on me!111}**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **{No, I don't geddit. You geddit.}**

"Are you okay?" I asked. **{I never am.}**

"No." he answered. {

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **{Or worse, expelled.}**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **{The two of you just can't stop making out, can you?}**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot **{Mmmmm, donuts…}** lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle **{Muggle =/= Mudblood}** afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **{So the Sorting Hat was just like "They are looking kind of evil. You know what, scratch Gryffindor, move 'em to Slytherin." If someone in Ravenclaw is looking less smart one day, do they move them to Hufflepuff?}**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR { **and Marilyn Manson and Green Day and Simple Plan and Paramore and Nirvana and Cher}.** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. **{I'm picturing him wearing a bolo tie.}** He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak **{Hey, we're going to Outback tonight, Egogy, you wanna come? Oh, yeah, the steak thing. We'll just bring you back some Blooming Onion.}** ) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **{I only sleep with Draco! I just do it a gazillion times a day!}**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **{Isn't that the song that made you not want to kill yourself later?}**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **{Geddit, lik da MCR concert dat Voldiemort and Da Death Deelers crashed… Oh wait spoiler.}**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **{Fjking bustard.}**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **{I love random walls like that.}**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **{Actually it's probably one of the more in character lines in the story.}**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **{And B'loody Mary was crying all cryitively.}**

We practiced for one more hour **{because I secretly wanted Draco to kill himself}**. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **{Ibuprofen, you're a life saver. Kinda.}**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **{At this point the room was ankle deep in tears.}** (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **{Committed. Not attempted. Keep that in mind later.}**


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus **{like the lack of spell check in amrikan skequwels.}**! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **{Still angry this isn't turning into Heavenly Creatures.}**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **{But isn't** ** _this_** **Hogwarts in America {come on, it really is.}? Aren't all the teachers pervs?}**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **{Aww, Egogy, if you wanted steak we could have gotten you some from Outback!}** . I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… **{I think you got those last two sentences switched in editing…}** Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **{Chomp.}** They were sitting on their broomsticks. **{No, they got all their friends and they stood on each other's shoulders all the way up to your window.}**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. **{He was wearing a black towel with a picture of black blackness on it.}**

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb **{oh joy, a Becoming Female crossover}.** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… **{…}**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **{Yeah, quotation marks suck.}**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **{He's a 38** **th** **year, you know.}**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **{I think this chapter Tara discovered CAPS LOCK.}**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **{I see only one factor, and it's that Tara is a Satanist.}**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **{You're right, there is no reason for Hagrid to be goffic!}**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **{Elephants never forget unforgivable suck like this.}** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **{Knowing how dumb these guys are, it's probably duct tape.}**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **{You get faint when you lose blood, hon.}**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. { **Cloak? Cock? Clock? I like clock. He had a clock with him. Not a watch, a clock.}**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **{If you'd fainted now, you'd have missed the goffic 50 Cent.}**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. **{I wonder if he's going to do something random now.}** Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **{Yep. 50 Cent. Tara apparently knows who 50 Cent even is. Maybe this signifies he's a poser, because 50 Cent, I'm sure, is in Tara terms a prep, but he's pretending it's goffic?}**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **{It's so** ** _noble_** **of Tara to try to tackle the important issue of religious freedom. By inserting religions into the fairly secular Harry Potter gang. Especially Satanism.}**

"Because I LOVE HER! **{And, on a related note, I am connected with Satan with no factors.}**


	12. Chapter 12

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu **{Now it's da topic. It was called da Ishu until the year 2000}**! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **{Or maybe it was the fat guy who killed Cedric.}**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **{ Yes we would all go down together… geddit, Billy Joel was blond in da eighties.}**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **{Red contact lenses would only change the color of the iris, not the whites.}**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **{So, aren't lightning bolts kind of goffic?}**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

 **{"NO!"}** "I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **{The sheer terror of what I saw made all the foundation fly off my forehead and reversed the pentagram spell.}**

 **{"NO!"}** Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked **{Well, that's what happens when you eat a camera}.** I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. {And the roses were also pedo preps.}

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. **{I think that means Tara v. serious literature.}**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **{Honey, you have so much pink, you've already said so. It's not your fault pink goes so well with black.}**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **{They're actually zinnias. People make that mistake all the time.}**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **{I was angry because she repeated herself.}**

"I saved your life!" **{Goffic versions of 50 Cent songs save zero people a year!}** He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **{Are you angry at being girly?}**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY!

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **{Would you have recognized, say, a Dan Fogelberg song? If I said "Longer than there've been stars up in the heaven" was a spell, would you have been "that's not a spell"? Thankfully everyone here loves MCR here.}**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **{Which is still an MCR song.}**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **{And he was black.}**

 **{"NO!"}** "OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **{What the f#* is Draco here, indeed.}**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. **{Because it was black.}**

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **{Ha ha, we love to flame.}**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **{That was mean. But because I don't have a headache, I shall remain silent.}**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **{Dory?}**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it **{Ripped leather doesn't look good. Tara, you should have tried imagining these outfits first}**. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **{I don't know if they make black lipgloss. I've never seen it at any of the major cosmetic brands. Maybe for a Halloween promotion, but not all year round, and you use so much of it Enoby that you would probably go through about six tubes a year.}**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly **{was she jealous of Enoby or something?}**. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes **{FINALLY!}**. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco **{and he was in the hair of the magical creatures, which probably have a lot of bugs and grime and dirt and stuff}.** He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **{Wqually.}**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **{When the moment is right…}**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **{Well, you two are doing the nasty on the presumably filthy ground of the, like, stables where you have Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.}**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. {Not "trying to screw me." You were totally screwing consensually.} You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then… his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **{Ebony can predict the future by the magic of cut and paste.}**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"

 **{"NO!"}** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **{HATE YOU YOU FUKEN BIC!}**


	13. Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **{But secretly we wanted to screw each other again.}**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **{We saw it twice!}**

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **{Don't you laugh.}**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **{But they don't think you're hot. That's kind of what gay means.}**

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… **{He took off his clothes and we started screwing!}** suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"

It was… **{Who could it be?}** Voldemort!


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **{During which time I thought nothing about considering therapy. She's clearly doing this for attention.}** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **{This should have been at the start of the fic, sweetcakes!}**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps! **{ blinded by the light… something something something over in the night, blinded by the light }** " he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **{This matters why? He dies in two paragraphs anyway.}**

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **{She had a knife?}**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **{Ah, murderer's regret.}**

"Snaketail what art thou doing? **{Honey, I'm home!}** " called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us **{Now I'm totally picturing him as a Fifties housewife}**. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **{Then I busted into tears again.}**

 **{"NO!"}** "Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **{And you two are about to do it.}**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me **{He's apparently supposed to be Cedric}**. Vampire likes me **{and you like him back: while Draco was away you two totally did it in the stables}** and now even Snaketail is in love with me **{he's dead.}**! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob { **YES SHE IS.}** or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **{But how could Ebony turn down an opportunity to screw Draco?}**


	15. Chapter 15

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! { **Tara needs more hlep, Raven.}**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad. **{Even to screw him? But you love screwing him!11}**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it **{You mean the key-chain had a picture of Marilyn Manson on it. It's hard to put a picture on a tiny key}.** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists **{No, I took a steak}**. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **{So, was it like a pentagram on a piece of paper, or what? This confuses me.}**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class **{while they continued their biology work}**! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) **{Well, looks like I'm gonna have to. Goodbye everyone, sorry, I don't know who Chester and Pierre are, so I have to get da fuk out od hr.}**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story **{But you know who she is and can name one of her movies, so…}**. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether **{Loopin then started masticating on a sandwich he wanted to eat}**. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether **{Why are you shocked there are concerts here pretty much every night. Also, do non-goffic bands ever come to Hogsmede? I'd say she doesn't talk about those but there's basically a goffic band there every night.}**


	16. Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **{Britney? Sounds like you took advice… from a prep! (Evil music and thunderclaps)}**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. **{I'm telling you, ripped fishnets are a bad idea.}** Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **{Performing their number one hit, "Shjit upp preps!"}**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **{But really, there's nothing you like better than listening to MCR and screwing Draco. It's all you do.}**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **{YES. YES THEY DO.}**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice. **{Ah, the old oxymoron…}**

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **{You mean a prostitute or a Jeep Escort?}**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **{I hate to break it to you, hon, but most of your goffic bands are fairly mainstream.}**

"NO." he muttered loudly. **{Oxymorons rule!}**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **{Well, if you really love a band, you tend to know most of the songs, not just the singles.}**

 **"** **OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. {Where we started screwing.}**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **{Thanks, Britney the prep!}**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. **{I'm honestly disappointed that, even while it's said that Ebony is bi, she doesn't actually do anything with any girls, especially when I can smell the UST between Tara and Raven. Come on, Egogy, make out with B'loody Mary! Would Draco lie about you?}** We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. **{So, how long did this take to watch several goffic movies? The Nightmare Before Christmas is about an hour and a half, so… wait a second, what time of day is this?}**

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **{Or worse, expelled.}**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. **{If only that meant Ebony shut herself up.}**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **{Who's Eva?}**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **{She sounds so goffic right there.}**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **{And then the people at Hot Topic took her card away to keep Ebony from ever coming back.}**

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **{In canon, yes.}**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **{Are there any normal people clothes stores in that town?}**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. **{Or me! Wouldn't it be wonderful if she ended the fic right here and now?}**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **{Wait, brooms?}**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **{Was Raven in charge of catching oxymorons?}**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go." **{You're not mad that Dumblydore is a prep or a poser?}**

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **{ain't it sad?}** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked. **{I thought anything less than a real goff was a poser.}**

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **{You have no idea.}**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **{Coming out of where? The slit?}**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **{Because I don't like looking at that wacky dress. Get it away from me.}**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **{Kiss already! Please!}**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked. **{It already happened! Remember Voldemort and da Death Deelers?!}**

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" **{I'm Tom TARA Rid.}**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight." **{ I'm not talking 'bout moving in… }**

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **{It's urgent! Draco wants to screw you!}**


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **{So Tara's to blame for this split. Thought so.}**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." **{Nice censorship.}** Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **{I just love the homoerotic tension. As a writer, I feed off it.}**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots {Pony boots?} that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **{In Tara land, that's a compliment.}**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. **{Nah, I like Dracola better.}** Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik **{Mercy is goffic?})** that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva **{Again, who is this Eva?}**! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice **{isn't he white?}**. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. **{I wonder where this is going?}** I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes… Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **{Of course Voldemort would use a knife… not. He has a wand.}**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **{WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU… you get the drift.}**


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **{And he was also possessed by Samuel L. Jackson, just like Snape was possessed by Snape.}**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly **{This is the least comfortable outfit she's worn so far}.** I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. **{Lacy brooms are so useful.}** Draco had a black MCR boom **{It explodes when you touch it!}**. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song. **{Doesn't Linkin Park play mostly slower songs? Perhaps this is foreshadowing Chapter 25?})**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **{Ashlee Simpson is a pastor now?}**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **{Sure they aren't just plain old gay? That's a thing too, you know.}**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. **{I wonder who it is…}**

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **{Nope. He's a full on poser.}**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. **{Where the hell are the Ravenclaws?}** Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. **{THE JOY OF CAPSLOCK!11111}**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **{Wait, Vampire?}**

I was so fucking angry. **{That makes me feel angry!}**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise **{Because I'm nuts!}**

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **{For the third time?}**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **{WILLOW GOT KILLED FOR THIS.}** Draco was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **{If only they weren't too busy being gay fags to screw me…}**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **{No. No. No I won't.}**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **{What the heck is happening…}**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. **{You heard he wanted your help, it sounds like. This poor communication is gonna make everyone commit suicide here.}** I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces **{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111 GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD!111111111111}** like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **{I don't think he can…}**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **{Exactly…}**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. **{But he can't go into your room or bathroom because that would make him look like a perv…}**

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?" **{Was Dumbledore either going to wear what Ebony was going to wear or try to make sure he wasn't wearing something too similar, or what?}**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." { **Could there possibly be two concerts in Hogsmede that night?}** He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **{You're going to screw!}**


	20. Chapter 20

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

All day I wondered what the surprise was **{But I was pretty sure it was going to be sex}**. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it **{Urple is the in-color this season. In a related story, hell has frozen over.}** , an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one **{two}.** I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **{There's a 38% chance she'll screw whoever comes to the door anyway.}**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **{He say plz. You have to give them to him, because saying plz and tank yu is the polite thing to do.}**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **{He probably should have been more upfront about what he wanted. If Ebony knew you wanted to screw another dude, her gay sex loving heart would've given him as many condoms as he wanted.}**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **{And Loopin was masticating to it!}**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) **{Actually, yes. And it's a real word, if a word never really used.}**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily. **{So we had to have unprotected sex in the middle of the empty hall with Dobby watching. If it weren't for you we could have had protected sex in the middle of the empty hall with Dobby watching!}**

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **{I'd kind of like to know what she meant by everything.}**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" **{So, our hero does exactly what the villain does, and she's still supposed to be sympathetic…}** I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot. **{So we took off our clothes and started to screw, with Dobby watching.}**

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?" **{Must… Avoid… Making… Cum joke…}**

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. **{You can't have mismatched license plates.}**

….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. **{No, they were performing a punk-rock version of** ** _A Little Night Music._** **}**

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **{He saw that MCR was turning into Vlodemont and Da Death Deelers. Also I gasped.}**


	21. Chapter 21

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **{I kinda think you should guess the answer already.}**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **{It's like if I skipped out of the room happily and you were wondering if I was happy.}**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" **{Someone's catching on!}** I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. **{Comfort 3 way?}**

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) **{For instance, the homophone of pail. Tara's hatred of homophones is nothing new.}**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. **{Be careful – that's not a diet invincibility coke, and you might put on so much weight you won't fit into your black ripped fishnet corset.}** We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. **{Way to blow your cover, Harry.}**

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. **{Why you needed to French before running away, I'll never know.}** And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. **{But he's slitting his wrists bursting into tears! That's not okay! That's not even kind of okay!}** We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 **{Decide whether you hate her or love her.}**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. **{I keep telling you leather is not comfy, certainly not comfy enough to wear as pajamas.}** Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! **{They're your friends. No need for the gasp.}**

I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. **{You know, when you say leather jacket, the first thing that comes to mind isn't so much goths but more like say Marlon Brando in The Wild One – more of an old fashioned kind of rebellion than your sob fest. Wait a second, Tara, Raven, and co. are clearly doing this for attention, why don't they ever mix things up? Why isn't it that halfway through the story Enoby throws out all her MCR stuff and adopts some new kind of rebellion?}** He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. **{This is news apparently.}** B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. **{Why would Amy Lee wear a dress with MCR lyrics on it and not, say, Evanescence lyrics?** } Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **{I'm not a therapist or anything, but wouldn't they be happy if their rapist died?}**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily. **{In theory, she should have done this three-four times already this chapter.}**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. **{Stop being such a jerk to the kind old widow!111}** A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!" **{I FOUND THE CAPS LOCK KEY ONCE BUT I CAN'T FIND IT AGAIN!111}**

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge. **{Woof woof.}**

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **{I don't know if he should retry, that's another quarter.}**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **{What's the surprise? Of course the Mary Sue is the chosen one.}**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox **{This suckfic has been brought to you by the numbers 2, 4, and 1111111111111111111.}** gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us. {In half.}

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" **{You know, I can kinda see – no. She doesn't mean that, Dumbledork.}**

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. **{This chapter has a strange number fetish.}** Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother.

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" {MUTUAL OF AMBERHA'S WILD KINGDOM: a bustard is a large turkey-like bird that lives in central Europe.} yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" **{But Ebony is already shit herself!}**

"No I do!" shouted **{Snaketail, maybe? He's supposed to be in love with Ebony}.**

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) **{Awwwwwww. Boo.}** They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. **{Just like Voldemort in the movie!}** All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. **{SHE MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL THE STUDENTS!}** Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **{Just like what Voldemort said was going to happen.}**

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. **{That's not a spell that's an MCR song!11}** Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!"

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went. **{To screw. The end. Also, we're at the halfway point, u fukjing bustards! Here's to a sucktacular second half!}**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 **{You're right. I am jealous that I can't write as bad as you can.}** raven fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation **{Well you are deviant.}** next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. **{Guys there's a teacher Ebony/Tara likes! This is news!}** She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace **{How do you put lace on leather?}** and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. **{Emily the Strange's bodybuilder alter-ego.}** I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. **{Well you talk about it all the time, so it would be weird if they didn't know what HT was.}** I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3." **{Which involves turning a goffic Mary Sue bitch into a bug that you can squish.}**

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die. **{That wasn't in quotes.}**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball **{Wait, is that a bad goffic pun (Crypt)? Where's geddit?}** to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **{That's good!}**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes. **{I called my Congressman and he gave me some special Congress shoes! Only da real Senators get to wear these.}**

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving. **{I wonder what would happen if I said that to one of my female teachers – better not. Maybe to one of my close friends one day, I'll just be like "Bye bitch!" to everyone.}**

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **{Then I realized we were all in a giant zoo for aliens to watch and gather information about sucky fanfic.}**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 **{You mean virtues? I'd love to have virtues in my computer! Every time I click on the "Free virtues" ad on the internet, they put vices in!}** FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. **{OF COURSE YOU WILL. THIS ISN'T A QUESTION.}** We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret **{Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, im heroin Cabaret, au heroin Cabaret, to heroin Cabaret!}** and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. **{It crashed and the Mary Sue died!}** We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves **{doesn't garlic hurt vampires?}** fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. **{Shouldn't you start Frenching before you start screwing?}** Suddenly… I fell asleep. **{Note to self: Do not have sex with Draco Malfoy. Not because in canon he's a terrible human being, but because he sucks at sex.}** I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. **{One illustrated dramatic reading portrayed this black guy as Jules Winfeld from Pulp Fiction, so second Note to self: if you ever make My Immortal the Movie, Black Guy Running in Car (which will be the character's title in the credits) must be played by Samuel L. Jackson.}**

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. **{She dreams in color. Surprising, as if she dreamed in black and white that would leave more room for black things.}**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice. **{While she was asleep?}**

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. **{He had sex with it?}** Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111 **{Seriously.}**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11 **{Yes you were.}**

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob **{What the heaven does that mean (geddit, cus Egogy hates heaven)?}.** Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!" **{The only character of color in the entire fic did it!}**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem."

Dubleodre started to cockle. "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **{Ebony is a prime number, bitch!}**

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). "U know very well that I'm not decisional. **{In fact I'm quite bad at making decisions.}** Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **{New favorite word.}**

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes **{I'm not getting any signal!}** he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **{That's the big cliff hanger? Sinister was there? Lame.}**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111 **{But your friendship isn't enough from stopping me from killing myself.}**

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. **{I thought Lucius and Sirius were on stretchers.}** The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Enoby." said Proffesor Sinatra. She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. **{NO. YOU CANNOT PUT FRANK SINATRA IN DRAG. I DRAW THE LINE HERE.}** "I have to tell you the fucking perdition."

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, **{I didn't know he was a font!}** Drake and Vampire. They nodded.

I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. **{Burn the witch!}** She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." **{Go tell Raven – I mean Willow.}** She said badly. She peered into da balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love? **{I think** ** _Voldemort in Love_** **won Best Picture in '98.}** " I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it." **{With Sinister? Be careful what you say, Sinister, Enoby would never turn down an offer for sex.}**

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name **{that's not a gouda sign (geddit?)}** and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises.

I put on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether.


End file.
